I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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