Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
