I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
