I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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