Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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