During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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