Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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