Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
