I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
