that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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