ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
