im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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