Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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