We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm passing your future prison.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will pee on everything he values.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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