Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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