She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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