i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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