I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
