i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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