Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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