This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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