I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
