God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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