I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
