just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
