Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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