so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
