what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
