I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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