what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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