taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
