never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
