we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
vagina is talking i cant
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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