i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
