i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
