Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
