just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
