Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my poor anus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
