After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
