i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
