Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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