I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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