If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
