i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
