Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
