I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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