Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
