Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
