Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
