HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
