So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
