I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
