i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
