I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
